Just
before Christmas the very lovely Katie Portman who writes the blog Pouting In Heels, asked if any of her readers felt brave enough to share their story. I
had already shared mine to a certain degree, but felt that it was about time to
share it more fully, with a view that it might just help others in a similar
situation. So that’s what I did, I wrote it honestly and openly, and it went
live this week. If you didn’t see it click here. But not only did I share my
story, I found the confidence to FINALLY start this blog. Something I have been
thinking about doing for the last 6 months.
Even
if you read my story over at Pouting In Heels, you might want to read it again,
as here is a more in-depth version., oh and excuse the meaningless tattoo - I was young! Here goes:
In 2000 I graduated from the University of Central
Lancashire, with a BA (Hons) in Public Relations. I had a couple of jobs before
becoming press officer for a government-funded organisation. During this time I
was fit and healthy, went to the gym regularly, and ran the Great North Run.
2007 was a significant
and busy year. I moved house, was promoted to PR Manager, and got married. I’d
had a few twinges in my back but thought nothing of it. Then in the November my
back went – I could not move. Tests revealed I had the spinal condition
Spondylolisthesis, something I had been born with but typically only becomes
symptomatic in your twenties (I was 28). One vertebrae had slipped over another
giving me a dent in my back, a prolapsed disk, muscles that were constantly in
spasm and leg symptoms. This was never
part of my life’s plan. I was off work for a few months, determined that all would
be ok. So I returned, but struggled to drive, could not sit for long and was in
constant pain, so the following August I left the office and never went back. 
In
2009 having tried every type of spinal injection, physiotherapy and acupuncture
I had my spine fused. I WOULD make a full recovery. But hang on – I was still
in serious pain and still walking with a walking stick - I had a tear in
another disk. Anger and frustration led to depression, which I failed to
recognise until everything seemed to go ‘bang’ – I remember crying solidly for
12 hours and my mother-in-law saying it was time to go to the doctors. Of
course I started crying as soon as I saw the doctor who said to me ‘I’m
surprised you’ve not been earlier’.
He
was right I should have gone earlier about my mental health – I was very
depressed. Part of the reason I had not wanted to admit this was my father had
taken his own life nine years earlier, and I didn’t want to admit to being
depressed as some say it can be genetic. I look back and think how totally
stupid this was, my whole world had fallen apart and I was living in constant
pain – like so many I was being far too hard on myself. I should have asked for
help earlier. I took anti-depressants for two-years, which help significantly and
I no longer need them. Instead I regularly see a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist at the pain clinic, and use a host of other techniques which I will
share in future posts.
In
2011 I had further surgery and was determined to make a full recovery, but like
many have gone on to live with chronic and real pain, though it is significantly less than it was. I
am determined 2014 is going to be a great year. I have finally met a fantastic
NHS physio who is treating me as a ‘whole’ person. Including the pain clinic,
we are doing our best to get to the route of my remaining pain, and I do my
best to become physically and mentally stronger every day.
Today
is Time to Talk day, a day designed to get more people talking about mental
health. It has been organised by Time to Change, which aims to challenge mental
health stigma and discrimination. If you want to join in, find out more or
access help then click the links.
Btw,
I also wrote some of my ‘pearls of wisdom’ for Pouting In Heels, and will share
them here soon.
Until
next time ….
Emma x
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